My De-Conversion

It is hard to know the moment when I actually began believing in God, coming from a Catholic background and taught from early childhood of his existence.  An important shift in thought would have been the time I started taking God more seriously, which involved incorporating teachings from the bible into my life and this did not occur till young adulthood.

A triggering event that prompted a more thorough study of the bible were the visitations by Jehovah Witnesses, who were distributing their pamphlets while educating me of their views.  I was impressed by what seemed to be the amount of biblical knowledge they had and at the time of their visits,  both my husband and I were experiencing problems of our own so these meetings had become a welcome.

Yetzia bish’eila

I’ve never quite understood why leaving one’s Jewish religion is defined as “leaving with a question”. Notwithstanding the fact that it is a botched counter-term for chazara bit’shuva – the process of repentance for one’s sins – it is often a process which, though riddled with doubts, ultimately ends with one’s adamant surety in his/her decision.

I was certain in my decision to leave the religious world behind, and though my family hadn’t accepted my decision at first and fought me hard on it, I stood fast and carried it through.

Religious folks often liken the process of chazara bit’shuva as “stepping into the light”, darkness being the implied metaphor for the secular world. I would argue that it is just the opposite: leaving one’s religion, and thereby foregoing the belief in an almighty deity, is seeing the world in a much clearer and more truthful way than ever possible in the narrow-minded, superstitious, and fanciful world view of religion.